haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Vodka?
Forever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
