I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
