no, he came in my armpit
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
