see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
