Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
