The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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