you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
