your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
