he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
