So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
organizing the empties. That sober.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
