I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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