I'm so fucking centered right now
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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