I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
