yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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