i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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