Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
