Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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