I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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