My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
