she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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