At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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