I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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