Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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