I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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