how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
