that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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