The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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