i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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