he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
