i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
