im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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