Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
