Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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