i permit you to call me
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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