I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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