I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
