im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
