fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
