I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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