I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
two words...techno handjob
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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