Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
