o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
