So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
