I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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