Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
