I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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