you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
