Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
