If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
