Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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