the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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