that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
