Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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