as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
