i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
